Raw

I've decided to be a little more personal on here, a little bit raw.

I've thought long and hard about this and whether I was ready for the world or the handful of people who take the time (thank you) to read this little blog to be exposed to me and my feelings and thoughts.

After all, the bloggers I adore are the ones that give me a real glimpse into their lives, ordinary but extraordinary at the same time.

So here I am.

39 and single.....ouch.

You're such a nice girl. You are gorgeous. You are so funny, so smart. Am I?

According to the male population that I've encountered over the last 20 years I'm anything but.

Broken hearts, countless tears and the deafening sound of that ticking biological clock, and not to forget the crazy things I have done in the name of love are some of the things you will see pop up every now and then on here.

So today I will start with the "Crazy Things I've Done For Love"

I have a crush (I call it I'm madly in love with him) on a man the runs along the beach 365 days of the year. We pass each other every evening on our quest for fitness and we never speak, no hello, nothing but a stare down. It's this stare down that has left me captivated by him.

He is not what some would say "my type".  I'm 5'9, he is considerably shorter and not particularly attractive in that Ryan Gosling or whoever you ladies are lusting after this season kind of way. (Most of the men in my life have been very easy on the eye, lucky me)! But for whatever reason I cannot not get this man out of my head.  So I took matters into my own hands this past weekend, crazy hands I might add.  I decided I was tired of this cat and mouse game, shy sideway glances and smiles for 12 whole months.  So I did what any 39 year old single girl would do, I handed him a note.
Yup a note.  
I'm told saying hello and stopping to talk would have been the sane option but hey then I wouldn't have a crazy things I've done in love section!

So this is how the note came about, I'm a little shy when it comes to men and maybe even a little old fashioned. I like a man to approach me and this wasn't the case with Mr Blue Shorts. All his glances and puppy dog eyes stopped at that. So on my Sunday walk in a moment of sheer insanity I decided after walking past him (he was seated, remember he is usually running so this was the moment to capture him) that I had to do something. That something was running over to the ice cream vendor on the beach and begging for a pen and paper to compose my amorous note. So I scribbled on the tasteless paper she generously handed over to me and then began my embarrassingly painful walk over to my paramour. In a hushed voice I called out excuse me. Nothing. Excuse me marginally louder, still nothing. So then I pulled out the big guns, the wavering high pitched excuse me. It worked, he turned around. His smile was beaming from ear to ear, his eyes on the other hand were somewhat afraid and rather impressed that I had the courage to do such a thing. I handed him the the note with two trembling hands and said this is for you. He smiled and said me? 
Yes you.

Then I ran, ran for the hills. no looking back. just sprinting like the weight of a nation was relying on me to bring home an Olympic gold medal.

I have no idea what his reaction was after that. No idea if he read the note. And I'm no closer to knowing his name.

The only thing I do know is that I'm a 39 year old girl who put her heart out there, not matter how many times it's been crushed.
We all need to be a little more real, a little more raw and not be afraid to take that leap of faith.
Oh the other thing I'm certain of is love.

*For those wondering, yes I did imagine he would chase after me and declare his undying love ;-)